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With: Rose Byrne, Conan O'Brien, Danielle Macdonald, Christian Slater, ASAP Rocky
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Written by: Mary Bronstein
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Directed by: Mary Bronstein
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MPAA Rating: R for language, some drug use and bloody images
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Running Time: 114
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Date: 10/10/2025
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If I Had Legs I'd Kick You (2025)
Socker Mom
By Jeffrey M. Anderson
Rose Byrne is the reason to watch this anxiety-inducing drama about a woman under crippling amounts of pressure with no relief in sight. She plays Linda, a psychotherapist and mom whose young daughter suffers from an eating disorder and is on a feeding tube. She must gain a certain amount of weight in a certain amount of time to get the tube out, and she's behind. On top of that, a huge leak devastates her apartment, leaving a hole in the ceiling and forcing Linda to move into a crummy hotel. Every so often her husband (the voice of Christian Slater) calls her and berates her. And her own sessions with her therapist (Conan O'Brien) are almost comically unhelpful. She turns to booze, cigarettes, and junk food for solace. Danielle Macdonald is excellent as one of Linda's patients, a terrified mother who abandons her baby during a session, adding to Linda's stress, and ASAP Rocky is fun as a man who works at Linda's hotel. I'm still not sure what the title means.
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