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With: Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Diedrich Bader, Christopher N. Riggi, Arielle Kebbel, B.J. Britt, Charlie Weber, Emily Brobst, Bradley Dodds, Ken Jeong, Mike Mayhall, Rett Terrell, Nick Eversman, Zane Holtz, Crista Flanagan, Jeff Witzke, Jun Hee Lee, Anneliese van der Pol, Michael Hanson, Kelsey Ford, Dave Foley
Written by: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
Directed by: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
MPAA Rating: PG-13 for crude sexual content, comic violence, language and teen partying
Running Time: 82
Date: 08/18/2010

Vampires Suck (2010)

1/2 Star (out of 4)

...And Suck, and Suck, and Suck...

By Jeffrey M. Anderson

Coming from the writers/directors of Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie, this movie is an exercise in lowest common denominator humor, in which the reference is king. Merely dropping a name or imitating a scene or a character passes for a joke in these films. (Though newcomer Jenn Proske is uncannily good at imitating Kristen Stewart's shy stammer in the Twilight films).

Becca (Jenn Proske) moves to the small Washington town of Sporks to live with her father, the sheriff (Diedrich Bader). She meets the mysterious, brooding Edward Sullen (Matt Lanter) and becomes fascinated with him. That he's a vampire only increases her obsession. Additionally, other vampires are constantly trying to kill her, while friendly werewolves try to help her. All the while, ridiculously silly stuff happens. Will Edward and Becca make it through the prom alive?

The so-called "filmmakers" have nabbed a PG-13 rating to lure in what they consider to be gullible teens, but they push the limits of that rating to include as much sex, violence and language as possible, not to mention product placements and pop culture references galore. What's missing is any real humor, characters, emotions, as well as any kind of attempt at an actual spoof, parody or satire. This movie doesn't have the slightest idea what it wants to say about the Twilight saga in particular or vampires in general.

Fox released the Blu-Ray disc in late 2010 in an "unrated" edition as well as the PG-13 theatrical edition. The "unrated" edition runs almost two minutes longer. Extras include deleted scenes, a gag reel, and trailers. If your Blu-Ray player is connected to the internet, there are more, "live" extras. A second disc includes a digital copy.

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