Ass Backwards (2013)

1 Star (out of 4)

Dumb 'Ass'

By Jeffrey M. Anderson

Comediennes June Diane Raphael and Casey Wilson wrote the screenplay for Ass Backwards, their first since the horrendous Bride Wars. They have not shown improvement. This time they star as two very stupid characters, and the movie's one joke is that they don't quite realize how pathetic they are. This kind of joke could work, if the characters were charming and had the ability to win over other characters, but these women remain stupid and annoying throughout. No one likes them, and for good reason.

Kate (June Diane Raphael) and Chloe (Casey Wilson) are best friends living in New York. Kate makes a living as an egg donor, and Chloe works as a dancer in a glass cube at a nightclub, but they kid themselves about how well they're doing, though they're both haunted by losing in a beauty pageant as girls. When they hear about an anniversary pageant, they hit the road to enter it, and try to undo history. Of course, they have several misadventures and meet several colorful characters before they finally arrive at the pageant. But can they undo the mistakes of their past, and if not, will it matter?

The movie actually opens and closes with the friends peeing on the sidewalk, which says volumes. (They use the lazy writer's technique of starting the movie with a flash-forward to an exciting/visual scene, rather than the actual opening, which is rather dull and unfunny.) For some reason Jon Cryer, Vincent D'Onofrio, and Alicia Silverstone signed on for this, and even they can't generate any laughs. The movie's only benefit is a last-minute commentary on beauty pageants.