Maneater (2022)

1 Star (out of 4)

That's the Killhole

By Jeffrey M. Anderson

A hint as to just how bad this bloody, cheap-looking, overly-talky bottom-of-the-barrel shark-attack movie really is: it borrows an idea from Jaws: The Revenge, another abysmally bad shark movie.

It's true; Maneater was somehow inspired by the eye-rolling story of that infamous 1980s flop, that a cold water shark would somehow find its way to warm waters, not even for food, but just to kill. (For the record, it also undeservingly paraphrases a famous line from the 1975 original.) Aside from a flashback showing the first gory killing, this movie takes a while to get going, spending long moments on awkward, time-killing dialogue, all of which sounds like elevator small talk.

Jessie (Nicky Whelan) has just been dumped by her husband-to-be, so her best friend Sunny (Porscha Coleman) convinces her to turn her planned honeymoon, a trip to Maui, into a vacation with their group of seven friends. They rent a boat, captained by Wally (Ed Morrone) and Beth (Kim DeLonghi), and are taken to a remote island, where they can spend the night having fun.

Meanwhile, a Great White shark is on a murderous rampage, attacking swimmers. It has killed the daughter of local fisherman Harlan (Trace Adkins), and when the local police seem unable or unwilling to do anything, Harlan takes matters into his own hands. When one of the friends accidentally cuts his hand, the shark is alerted to their presence, and his next bite. Eventually Jessie and Harlan must team up for a final showdown with the evil beast.

Even though the friends came to "party" (whoo!), their partying consists of quietly sitting in circles, sipping drinks, and chatting. Not even a likable actor like Shane West can do much with this stuff. When the attacks finally start coming, close-ups of the shark don't seem to match shots of the humans, and the CG FX are so bad that they appear unfinished. Maneater tries to make up for these shortcomings with scene after scene of gallons of blood swirling in the water.

But the attacks also lack suspense, occurring quickly — sometimes one on top of another — with no buildup. And they're just dumb. Not one, but two, characters are killed because they became tangled in lengths of rope! If shark fans are going to scrape the bottom of the chum bucket, even Sharknado 5 is a better choice than this.