Borderlands (2024)

1 1/2 Stars (out of 4)

Troll Vault

By Jeffrey M. Anderson

They say it's next to impossible to make a good movie out of a video game, and Eli Roth's sci-fi/action movie Borderlands does nothing to dispute that claim; it's generic, juvenile, and obnoxiously bad.

Hardened bounty-hunter Lilith (Cate Blanchett) is hired by the wealthy Atlas (Edgar Ramírez) to travel to the world of Pandora, a rotten, violent place, to find his daughter, Tina (Ariana Greenblatt). Tina was rescued and taken away by ex-soldier Roland (Kevin Hart) and the massive Krieg (Florian Munteanu), and are in hiding.

Tina is said to be the descendent of the Eridians, an advanced race that left a secret vault on Pandora. There are three keys required to open it, and many evil corporations and villains have tried to get at its powers. With the help of yappy robot Claptrap (voiced by Jack Black) and the wise Tannis (Jamie Lee Curtis), this team must discover the mystery of the vault before it's too late.

Based on a game first released in 2009, Borderlands starts with the usual stale narration (and exposition) that must have made Oscar-winner Blanchett roll her eyes. Then, the scene in which the villain hires Lilith is perplexing, since it's a henchman using a mask that allows him to look like Edgar Ramírez; sometimes the mask seems to be in charge of its wearer and sometimes not. Nobody thought about the rules. (Ramírez is a terrific actor wasted in a generic villain role.)

Then, to make matters worse, Lilith meets the robot Claptrap, who recalls the infamous Jar Jar Binks for sheer annoyingness. Jack Black does its voice in a high-pitched squawk, throwing out bad one-liners like a desperate, attention-starved puppy; it's easily the worst thing Black has ever done. (And, weirdly, another yappy, high-pitched comic, Kevin Hart, is on hand here as a human and isn't funny at all.)

This poor cast must go through the motions collecting parts of the key — stopping for many formulaic fights and explosions — that will take us all, with much relief, to the final showdown. On the plus side, Borderlands at least tries to preserve the look of the game and has a fun post-apocalyptic feel (it seems inspired by Tank Girl), and Blanchett is too much of a pro to let this sorry material drag her down. She looks great, and comes out unscathed. But otherwise, this is a junkyard slog.